It was Memorial Day weekend, a time of year that tends to boost spirits, given that summer is right around the corner, and the days continue to grow warmer and longer, and the darkness of night fades more quickly.
That’s what this summer would have been, could have been, should have been for professional golfer Grayson Murray. The Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, resident, a little over four months shy of his 31st birthday, appeared to have turned a corner in what had been an arduous battle with depression and alcoholism.
That battle had, among other things, threatened his career on the PGA Tour, which had made his win in January at the Sony Open in Hawaii, just the second tour triumph of his career, all the sweeter.
In addition, he was engaged to be married and was, despite the struggles of the past, blessed with many loyal, loving friends whom he made smile easily and often.
But just below the surface, his demons lurked. Following an unexpected second round withdrawal from the Charles Schwab Challenge in Fort Worth, Texas, on Friday, May 24, they came back for more. This time, Murray couldn’t fight them off. Early in the morning of May 25, Murray took his own life, leaving behind a devastated group of family and friends that included his parents, Eric and Terry Murray, fiancé Christina Ritchie and his best friend and former caddie, Annville native Noah Firestone.
Help is available.
Speak with someone today.
If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts or experiencing a mental health crisis, you can call the Lebanon County Crisis Intervention Hotline at 717-274-3363 for free and confidential counseling.
A former standout golfer at Mount Calvary Christian School, Bowling Green University, and a two-time winner of Lebanon Country Club’s W.B. Sullivan tournament, along with partner and Republican state Senator Chris Gebhard, Firestone was, like everyone else who knew and loved Murray, crushed by the news of his tragic passing, if not totally surprised by it.
“The first thing was, like, total shock,” Firestone said Tuesday. “Just because the night that it happened, we were texting. And then the next day I get the call from his agent and he tells me what happened.
“I’ve known him almost five years and I knew he struggled with different things. There were times in the past that I was very, very worried. But this time, he had just withdrawn from that tournament and he said he wasn’t feeling the best, but he was coming back home and I didn’t really think anything of it. That’s the scary part.”
Indeed, one of the more frightening aspects of suicide are that they often catch loved ones off guard, because not long before the victim seemed to be more at peace with their life.
“When people our age make that decision (to end their life), it’s almost like they have their last jolt of, not happiness, but where they feel the best,” said Firestone, who’s just two years younger than Murray. “And then it just kinda happens out of nowhere. That’s kinda scary for someone my age. The leading cause of death for men under 35 is suicide. That is scary and that is crazy.”
For that and many other reasons, Firestone, who recently got engaged to Nikki Lamartina, is dedicating his life to raising awareness about mental health and suicide. No one should suffer like Murray did, not to mention his friends and family, who shoulder the immensity of his loss.
It’s the least Murray could do for his best friend, who employed Firestone as his caddie for nine months a few years back before firing and later rehiring him.
“Something for me that was really cool with Grayson was whenever I played in something, he’d always call me and ask me, ‘How’d you do, how’d you play?’ Even if he was on the road,” Firestone said.
“I told him about my plans to get engaged and everything, and he was the first person to text me that morning, ‘Are you nervous yet? Are your palms sweaty?’ He’s texting me throughout the entire day, because I told him what time I was doing it and he said, ‘Two more hours. Don’t throw up on yourself.’
“That’s the Grayson I knew. That’s the guy he was to me. I saw super caring sides of him, he would help out anybody and everybody. We were in the Bahamas when I caddied for him, and he went out and bought $500 worth of dog food, and made sure every stray dog on the island was fed.”
Now a club pro in Jupiter, Florida, Firestone is contemplating a complete career switch, to hopefully help run an as yet-to-be established foundation in Murray’s honor that will look to conquer as much as possible the problem of suicide and the impact it has on survivors.
“I love what I do,” he said, who recently added to his resume by caddying for Shane Lowry at the British Open. “But I had been thinking, ‘Is it my time to pivot (to a new career)?’ And then all this happens and I think, ‘Maybe it is my time to pivot and do something bigger.'”
Firestone figures that Russell’s parents will take the lead in determining the ultimate direction of the foundation, but he stands ready, willing, and able to honor his friend’s life in any positive way he can.
“We’re kinda hoping the start of the new year to get things rolling,” Firestone said. “I think by then we’ll all kind of be ready to take that next step. The foundation once it gets rolling is going to be such a good thing.”
But a foundation can’t do everything, and if he’s learned anything through the loss of his friend, it is that to truly make a difference in a person’s life to to be helped, you have to be there for each other. Not in a phone call or text, but in a very real life way, sitting across a table and looking at the people you love and simply showing you care.
“If you’re just sitting there texting, if you’re not with people who know and love you, it’s gonna be tough,” Firestone said. “That’s my biggest thing looking back at this. Yes, you can text or call, but when it comes down to it you have to be with people, whether it’s having a meal or just going for a walk, just something to clear your head.”
Even though he’s still feeling his way through losing Murray in such a tragic way, he believes his friend approves of his efforts and is looking down and guiding him in some ways.
“Monday night, I had just played in the Sullivan with Gebby and didn’t play that well,” he said. “And I was out at Royal Oaks chipping with my dad and I looked up and there was like a hand in the clouds. I saw it and then I hit my last chip and holed it. I was like, ‘I’m done for the night.’
“I see little things like that, and that’s me thinking he’s happy and proud of what I’m doing. I think he’s happy with what I’m doing and not letting his legacy go.
“He became like a brother to me, and I miss him every day.”
You matter.
If you’re thinking of hurting yourself, or have days when you feel like you just can’t go on, help is available. There are local resources to help you feel better.
- You can call the Lebanon County Crisis Intervention Hotline at 717-274-3363 for free and confidential counseling.
- You can text “PA” to 741741 for free, 24/7, confidential help.
- You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
- You can call 911.
Help is available.
Speak with someone today.
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